2nd Day after hopefully last CFT (I decided to abbreviate it) and HALLOWEEN

October 31, 2008

Just got back from being stabbed in the arm to get my Neulasta shot. It's an injection I get 24 hours after every CFT treatment. It helps restore your white blood count, which if gets too low can make you very very ill, and possible cause a hospital visit. It also helps maintain good bone marrow. So far it's been working... for $4200 a shot it better be!!

Well I don't feel too bad so hooraaaaaay I get to take my litte kitty cat out trick or treating later on in the day. She seems like she'll be having such a blast in school today... they are partying all day long... sure wish I was there!

Happy Halloween everyone, and don't eat too much candy! (Save some for me!)

(Picture is of Isabelle at school, then later that night after trick or treating with her cousin Mason at Grandpa's house. Yes, they were well sugared up!)

4th FRIGGINCHEMOTGHERAPY

October 30, 2008

Forgive my typo's but I'm feeling a litle loopy! Yes, ... I took the sedatives... not just one, but my loverly doc. added some in my iv! wohoooo! I felt better this time so it was worth it.

Brian and Isabelle came with me until I went into the "Infusion Room"... wooooooo scary name ain't it ?!?! Like yeah can you infuse me with a cosmopolitan ?

So off they went to school and work. Then my sister-in-law Sharon came to pick me up, and I finally got to meet my new cutie nephew Joey... Joseph Raymond, aka Joey. He's so darn cute and man this baby has a full head of dark hair... just like my Isabelle had! He had some gas going on though, poor thing... but as least it was coming out... kinda smells like his Uncle Brian:-)

(The pic is of us at home after my treatment.)

Anyway... I'm feeling ok, getting to be time to start gulping down a gallon of water and eat something. I think we're having Chinese tonight.

Love you all for checking in on me!

Smooches.

What?? FREE stuff cause I'm in CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY???

Ok hey now.... this ain't so bad! Not only did I find out that we can get FREE professional maid service for 4 months while in treatment ... but I also can get a free wig! So #3 wig here I come... shall I go blonde!?!?

Posting the link for the free maid service.
http://www.cleaningforareason.org/

Contact your local American Cancer Society for a free wig. Appointment needs to be made.
http://www.cancer.org/asp/search/mla/mla_global.asp?navToScreen=mla_0

The wonderful things children do

On the morning of my first chemo treatment, I got a text picture from my sister-in-law Erin. And there it was... my first realization of how much support I was going to get during this whole thing. My beautiful amazing niece, Brianna, cut her pony tail off and donated it in my honor. Is there just anything more wonderful than that?!?!? Yup... later on that same day her sister and my other beautiful niece, Mandy, did the same thing!

Family and Friends

One of the things I have come to realize about myself during this whole situation is that I am indeed a very stubborn woman. Brian always called me stubborn, my Mom calls me stubborn... I guess they are right afterall.
I have wonderful family and friends who are always asking me if they can help us out. And I have always been one who never likes to bother ANYONE (and Brian is also like that a little too) so my signature answer is always "Thanks, but I'm ok".... When in actuality I am not all that ok, and I can, we can, use help every now and then. So from now on when my wonderful family and friends ask if they can do anything for me, my new signature phrase will be "Yes, you can and THANK YOU".

My Chemo Angels

Someone from my online support group recommend I sign up for this program called ChemoAngels. And that's just what I did. I have 2 Angels. Aimee is in Michigan, Betty is in Tennessee. They are not just angels... they are truly amazing women. I get cards and letters and gifts. Wonderful things for Me, Brian and Isabelle. Each time I get something they make me cry. I just can't believe how a stranger can be so nice to you... correction... a far-away friend, no longer strangers at all. Aimee sends books and stickers to Isabelle. Betty makes her own cards, she should start her own business! I enjoy writing back to them and I think it's so cool that I have these wonderful new friends. It's amazing how things like this can change your life. There are truly some wonderful people out there!

Hopefully last treatment before surgery

October 28, 2008

Since I started this CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY my tumor seems to only have shrunk down a couple of centimeters. I'm disappointed greatly in that. But Doc says that mabye I can still go to surgery after my 4th is done, it all depends on what the surgeon says. So having my 4th and hopefully last chemo on October 30th, the day before Halloween. And come hell or high water I don't care how bad I feel... I WILL take my daughter out trick or treating!
November 14th I am off to get evaluated by a surgeon. I know my plan is a mastectomy and I'm kinda ok with that. I wish I didn't have to do it, but I know it's the best plan to ensure that this damn disease does not come back again.

#2 and #3 CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY

October 2, and 16th

Ok so I feel like a pro at this. So my 3rd treatment on the 16th I tell my husband that I want to feel independent and go alone. Besides all the other ladies do it, even the old ones. So after my nagging him, he let me go alone. BAD IDEA. Because I was driving myself I couldn't take the sedative, which I thought was ok, because I am a tough women. NOT. During treatment I started to feel funny. Got a little lightheaded and then thought to myself "oh great, here I am alone just this one time, Brian's not here and now something is going to happen to me". That esculated into a anxiety attack to the point where they had to stop my treatment and hook me up to an oxygen tank. Yup. There was strong me, not being so strong. My blood pressure sky rocketed and my heart rate doubled. I think I scared the nurses! They tried to convince me to let them give me the sedative and call someone to come pick me up. But... I refused and said Iwould be ok. And I was, after my body calmed down. Well I decided not to go alone to treatments anymore because I do need to take the sedative. HAIL ATIVAN.

Ah yes the side effects are kicking in

October 7, 2008

I just felt crappy. Felt like I had a bad cold or a flu. I just wanted to sleep, sleep, and sleep. But I'm trying to go about my every day daily life and put in a fulldays work. And that's just what I was doing. Some days are rough. I drive 50 minutes to work, each way. SO that alone sometimes is tiring. Especially driving on New Jersey roads. My allergies were kicking in, and nothing was helping. NOTHING. So I had a couple of miserable weeks.

Going to work with my wig on the first time

October 6, 2008

Ok so I really thought I looked ok with this thing on. But I needed to make sure so I took pictures of myself in the car while driving into work. The picture that's published here. Yeah I know, corny. But hey it helped! And really come on...I ain't lookin too bad am I!?
Got into the office and really didn't get alot of attention, so I guess it was working. Only a handful of co-workers at this point knew what was going on with me. Well those who knew seemed to love it! Hey for the price, they'd better! But by lunchtime I was ready to yank the damn thing off my head and put a hat on! No matter how nice it looked it was just UNCOMFORTABLE. I must say though, it sure does make for a quick start in the mornings! Plus I'm saving money on shampoo!

HAIR HAIR HAIR.... BYE BYE

So I was told that on Day 12 after the first treatment my hair was going to start falling out. Yippee. So I wanted to be prepared. I have/had very long beautiful thick hair (Sorry Dan:-) Something I pretty much took for granted up until now. So my husband found a salon for me to go to. My friend Janet offered to come with me, I really need someone's input on the whole wig thing, and I knew she would tell me the truth on how it looked. I arrived at the salon, and Janet hadn't gotten there yet so I went in. Now the owner specifically deals with women who loose their hair due to chemo or other medical reasons so she's really good at this stuff and she's been doing it for years and years. I sat down in a chair and she told me she'd be right back. Then when she came back she put this wig on my head and let me tell you... I just smiled. Right then Janet walked into the salon... she looked at me and had to ask "Is that a wig??" YUPPER... This hair thing isn't going to be that bad afterall!! Janet tried one on too, I think it looks awesome (she's in the green top), I'm the other one...holding up the price tag of my new do! And yeah that's me shaven head! I actually kinda like it:o)

Lucy, the salon owner, told me that after it starts falling out alot in clumps that I should just buzz it off and that it would help. I took her advise and on Day 14 Brian ... with beer in hand... shaved my lovely locks. By that time it was just falling out in clumps by a slight touch of the hand. It was all over the house! It was kinda horrible honestly. But... after I was buzzed it felt better and I really handled it ok... could have been cause I was completely exhausted that night... and shaving it helped with the scalp pain. Yup, my scalp was screaming at me. The hair follicles underneath the root start to die, which is why the hair falls out... and let me tell you... it hurt!

My worst fear was how my daughter was going to react to my new bald head. I thought it would scare her. I thought how the heck am I going to hide this from her? Everyone told me not to hide it from her and to act like it's no big deal. So that's exactly what I did. After the buzz I slowly showed her my peach fuzz, and she wanted to feel it, and she did. And she laughed:-) I always keep something on my head at home like a bandana or a scarf so she hadn't seen my real head until one day after work I ripped my hair off and put it on it's stand on my dresser... not realizing that Isabelle was standing right there. I looked at her... she had a little bit of a confused look on her face... why did Mommy take off her hair and why is it on her dresser?! Ok that look went away quickly, and now she likes to put on my wigs and my hat. And when she's in my bedroom she points to my wigs and says "mommy's hair!". Gotta love children!

Day 2,3 and 4

Well... all in all I have to say it really wasn't too bad. I had a whole arsenal of anti-nausea drugs that I started before the chemo went into my body, and continued on them for the 4 days after treatment. I had no nausea at all. Oh and I still had my hair. So my theory on what happens when you are on chemo pretty much went out the window. THANK GOD.
Day 2 overnight to Day 3 was kinda rough. I couldn't remember way day it was, or what I had to do the next day. I also needed to be forced to eat and drink, and after I did I felt much better. Day 4 was a Sunday, and I felt ok. Then Day 5 Monday... I got to work on time! Wohoo! Didn't feel too bad, just very tired.

First CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY

September 19, 2008

Nervous as all heck. Didn't know what to expect. My husband Brian of course was coming with me. We brought our daughter into daycare that morning cause my treatment was scheduled for 1130, and we wanted her to have a normal day. My doctor prescribed a mild sedative for me early after I was diagnosed cause I guess he saw my anxiety printed on my forehead, so I took one at home before we got to the doctor's office. They also gave me a sedative in my iv prior to starting the CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY drugs. And let me tell you all... I would not have had it any different! Once they started the drugs into my iv I didn't give one iota (is that really a word?) of care what they hell was going on! PRAISE SEDATIVES!!!!!!!! The treatment took about 2 hours. We went home and I was very groggy the rest of the day. That night I didn't sleep one minute, thanks to the steroids they also give you prior to the chemo drugs going into your body. Steroids help with inflammation in your body. But at the same time it unfortunately wires you up and you don't sleep.

Getting the results

September 15, 2008

HALLELUJAH! !!!!!!!!

My scans all came back clear. WHOA. Let me tell you. The anxiety of this was just alot to handle on top of everything else.
So ... now I'm ready to start my CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY. When my doctor told me he'd like to get me started in a few days, I wasn't ready. I didn't want to do it. Even though I was anxious to get this poison out of my body, I just wasn't ready. I envisioned a person on chemo to be lying in a bed with half a head of hair, only getting out of bed to run to the bathroom to vomit their brains out. Yes, I now know I had quite the imagination.

Going for testing and more testing and more testing

September 8, 2008

So today I get my Echocardiogram, CT scans of my entire body, and a bone scan.
The echocardiogram was a piece of cake. I had these before so I knew what I was in for anyway. No big deal. The CT scans.... yeah now that was another story. They inject you thru an iv with some sort of dye that gets flushed into your body so that if you have cancer cells anywhere the scans will pick it up. Well... when they injected the dye my heart starting pounding like it wanted to jump out of my chest. Scared the hell out of me. They told me that it was because my body temperature went up so quickly. Ok so the feeling went away in a few minutes, but still, I was not expecting that to happen. Probably cause they did not tell me?!?
Then off to the bone scan. Again they injected me thru an iv some sort of "radioactive isotope", whatever the heck that is. THe scan was no big deal, thank god. Just took about 20 minutes.
Then came the muga scan, which is a test to see how your heart is functioning. I wondered.. why the hell do they want to know how my heart is functioning? Cause the CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY drugs are very hard on your heart. That's why. Oh Lovely. The muga scan was no big deal. Then came the Pet scan. That was not fun either. Again, they inject you with with dye into your veins, but this time you have to lay still for one entire hour and not move one ounce of your body. After the hour is done they put you on a table and swoosh you into a long tub. Then they start taking pictures of every part of you. It took about 20 minutes. It was no big deal, but for those who are a little clostrophobic (sp?), I would recommend taking something to help you out.

Going to the Oncologist

Yeah... well this was something I thought I'd never be doing. It was horrible. I cried the minute I got into the exam room. I couldn't believe I was there. Just 2 years ago I was on the floor above of this very same office building hearing the tiny heartbeat of my unborn baby girl. And now I was sitting in the office below at an oncologists office talking CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY.

Anyway... the doctor and his staff were completely amazing and caring people, which made it all so much easier to deal with. He told me that beccause of the size of the tumor 10cm+... now for all you folks who are as bad as measurement as me, there are 2.5cm in one inch. So do the math. Yup a good ole 5 inch tumor was laying in my boob. Anyway... doc tells me cause of the size I'll need to do chemo before surgery to shrink the sucker down so that surgery has a better outcome and just in case the little boogers traveled outside my boob into my bloodstream or an organ. Ah yes the organs... then he tells me I'll need to have scans of every inch of my body to see if the cancer spread anywhere else. Now it was getting more complicated. I wanted them to just get me into the operating room and cut this damn thing out.

Damn friggin boobs!

August 18th, 2008

Due for my annual boob squeeze. Now back in the early spring/early summer yeah I noticed something was changing in these bad girls. Well just one bad girl. After seeing myself in a picture from June, I noticed my right boob was all of a sudden much larger then the other one. Looked way too lopsided! I figured ok it's my fibroids and cysts acting up again. Something I have been dealing with since I was a teenager. So I waited till my annual mammo was due in August. I go for the squeeze. Two days later I was called to go back again cause the Radiologist says there's areas that she wants to look closer at. She then tells me that there are a couple of areas that do need to be biopsied. Not just that, but she seemed like she wanted to hint to me that I had something severely wrong. But of course they are legally bound not to. So off I went the following week to a surgeon. Surgeon wanted to do a biopsy asap. Biopsies done asap and low and behold yup it's "cancer". The big one. Not the stage 0 DCIS I had before, but the big old Invasive tumor. Not just any ole tumor. One that needed to be shrunk with "therapy". Therapy. What a nice way to put it. CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY. The word I had dreaded to hear for the last 13 years was here.