BLAGH!!!!!!!

December 26, 2008

Does the title say it all??
Just been down in a funk this last week so I have not updated this thing since last week.
Still have 2 drains in and they won't be getting out until HOPEFULLY this coming Monday.
Monday I also see my oncologist to see what his plan is for me next. My surgical pathology results came back and all the lymph nodes taken out were positive for cancer also, so that means more chemo and possibly radiation for me. One good thing is that the tumor was no where near as big as they originally thought. Either that or the first rounds of chemo I had before surgery really knocked out this sucker. What they thought was a 8cm tumor came out as 1.8cm. That's a serious difference. So anyway with the positive node thing alone I am not a happy camper. Just feels like it's starting all over again.
Christmas yesterday was ok, but I wasn't feel that good. I'm so exhausted from not sleeping and from being in pain that I just wanted to curl up and be by myself, but of course I couldn't do that.
My foobs are coming along and I have to say I am quite pleased with the results so far. I've had 3 "fills" so far and now have 140 cc's in each side. Another fill and I think I can start wearing a nice padded bra. The picture above is from this morning with a sports bra on, so you can see little A foobies. Monday foobies should be a B.

That's it for now folks. Hopefully my next posting will be a little more upbeat.

Still have drains and still waiting for results

December 19, 2008





Should have gone to get out 2 drains this morning but I called the plastic surgeon too late, he had already gone into surgery. Now the roads are snowy and icy and I would have to drive myself so looks like I'm stuck with the f**kers until Monday.


And still no word from the surgeons office on the pathology report. I'm geting quite annoyed, it's already 10 days post opt!

I'm now able to put on a normal shirt instead of always wearing button downs... wohoooo.. progress!

So if I get these drains out by this coming Tuesday I should be feeling soooo much better for Christmas... it'll be much easier to reach for that glass of wine then :-")

No percocets in almost 30 hours!

First Plastic Surgeon visit and my first FILL

December 16, 2008

Wow yeah didn't think this was gonna happen so quickly! When he told me he was going to put "a little" bit of fluid in today the look of shock and nervousness on my face made him laugh. Was not expecting any fills until end of this month! I see a difference already, but the ace bandage is wrapped so friggin tight I care barely breath! None of my drains were ready to come out cause as he puts it I'm "doing too much".. ME? doing too much?????? NAY!!!!!!

On my way to Dollyhood

Waiting for results

December 15, 2008

Had another great nite sleep last nite. Didn't go to bed until 1am cause stupid me had a cup of coffee last nite after everyone went home. But slept thru the nite and slept thru my alarm. The night before I slept for 10 hours!! I'm able to sleep in my bed now, Brian took every pillow in the house including throw pillows and made a coccoon for me to sleep on and it's been working great! I have not slept thru the night or for more than 4 hours at a time since August. So yeah I would say I am due!

So this morning it dawned on me that I will be getting a phone call from my surgeon on the pathology results from the surgery. I only want to hear one thing... NEGATIVE NODES. If I have to have more chemo and radiation it's ok, as long as my nodes are negative. That's all I care about. So right now I'm in a little bit of a funk cause I'm worried about what I am going to hear.

Going to try and take some motrin today in place of a percocet. I don't want to get hooked on these things! (or do I? ;-)

Isabelle's Birthday Party

December 14, 2008

We ordered pizza and subs, I "made" a couple appetizers. Aunt Sharon, Mason and Joey, Aunt Joanne and Katie and Amanda came over. Grandpa and Uncle Andy were sick so they didn't make it. So it was actually nice and small and quite.

Again, so glad I was able to do something for her birthday considering it was just 2 days after I got out of the hospital! She gots lots of nice gifts. Alot of coloring and painting things, which is her all time favorite thing to do these days, a Dora backpack and MagnaDoodle and some cool puzzles from Grandpa and some very fashionable clothes from Grandma.

Brian bought an inflatable snowman for the front lawn.... aha... something he said he would never do, but Isabelle has been infatuated with "snowmen" ever since she saw Frosty on tv. So the kids all went outside with him and put it up, then had a little game of hide and seek in the back yard.

We got her a Carvel ice cream cake and of course she was in heaven! Then her and Mason had a ramp around the house on a sugar high!

Today down to a percocet every 6 hours instead of 4! wohooooooooo! But hey... they're kinda nice:-))

ISABELLE'S BIRTHDAY!

December 13, 2008

You have no idea how happy I am to be able to do a little something on my girl's birthday. I really thought I would be laid up. But guess what folks... we did NOT diss our baby girl on her birthday after all!

Today we started out in the morning with french toast. One of her favorites. Then she opened up a couple of gifts from her Nana and our wonderful friend Donna. So that occupied her for quite some time. Brian was able to get some work done around the house, and I was able to hang out with Isabelle. I'm able to get her in her highchair and give her meals, and if she cooperates, I can change her diapers and clothes. IF she cooperates. So it's actually not that bad. I can't put her down for a nap cause I can't hold her or cuddle with her. So Brian has to do that part.

Both of my "kids" took a nap today for a long time... almost 4 hours! They were exhausted from the week and Isabelle was so off her schedule.

We have family coming over tomorrow, Sunday, to have a little party and so that Isabelle can play with her cousin Mason... who she absolutely adores. All I heard for an entire week from her was "Mason coming? Mason coming". So tonight we had a bunch of junk food...aha... and we gave her our gifts. She got a Barbie doll with a horse and stall and all the goodies that come with it, an etch a sketch, an art easel, a handy mandy singing toolbox, and a Thomas the Tank book with a slide projector. She LOVES the barbie and horse! Has to take her naps with the horse:-) So darn cute. Donna gave her a Tinkerbell doll and a purse with little girl things like lipstick and a cell phone. She's getting to be quite a little girl!

Today still on percocets every 6 hours.

First day HOME

December 11, 2008

Had to sleep in our big oversized chair and ottoman cause I really can't lay flat on my back.

The pain is bad. Very bad. Actually worse then I thought. So taking percocets every 3-4 hours at this point. When they kick in I don't feel too bad. Can't wait to get these damn drains out, I think that's where alot of the pain is coming from. But they need to be in there to drain the fluid out of the sites. I empty them out twice a day. I have to keep track of the amount that comes out because in order for the surgeon to take the drains out the amount of fluid needs to be under a certain amount. They will most likely stay in there for 1-2 weeks. Hoping that on my first visit on the 16th maybe 1 or 2 can come out.

So my "tissue expanders" are very tight. I peeked under my bandage. My breasts are gone. And I really do not care. Actually I'm glad the damn things are gone. They are finally going to leave me alone. I do have a little bit of cleavage and some poof to my up and coming new foobs. The plastic surgeon put in 100cc's on each side, that's about a tablespoon of saline. When I go for my first fill in about 3 weeks he'll put in more cause my skin and muscle should be stretched out good by then, I'll be about an A cup! wohooo!! The picture up top is of my cleavage. aha. Did you think I would NOT show you?! The right side is where the cancer WAS. It's larger on that side cause the tumor stretched out my skin so much on the bottom. The left side is smaller and more painful right now cause the expander is really doing it's work and I can feel it! But look... see... I have foobs in the making!

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW.

On our way to SURGERY

December 9th, 2008

Unfortunately didn't get a good nites sleep cause Isabelle was up crying for 2 hours from 2am to 4am. Brian stayed up until 330am and we had to wake up and get ready around 6am.

Grandpa came over to stay with Isabelle for the day. We were off at 7am.

Got to the hospital at 730 and things started going very quickly. Before you knew it I was off to the operating room. Everyone was very nice, my 2 surgeons were great. When I got into the operating room the anesthesiologist (sp?) asked me if I wanted a "cocktail" before they did the biopsy on my left sentinel node... they normally do NOT put you under for that, so at that I said "hell yes give me 2 cocktails". And so he did, and that was the last thing I remembered.

Woke up god knows when, supposedly it was in the operating room when they were all done. I think I remember a little on that. Surgery was from 1030am to 345. Got into recovery at 415. I wasn't in too much pain, just very groggy. I was only supposed to be in there for 1-2 hours at the most but low and behold the hospital did not have one single empty room for me. SO I wound up being in the recovery room until 830 at night! They let Brian come in around 630 cause I guess they knew it was going to be a long wait for him.

Finally got into a room and it was a private room. Ate "dinner" at 1000pm. It sucked. A dried up turkey sandwich and a bowl of soup, at least they called it soup.

I was on a morphine pump at this point. Did a couple of "shots" in the recovery room. Then maybe 1 or 2 when I got into my room. Was up every hour or so cause they don't like you to sleep in hospitals.... yes that's being sarcastic.

At 730am the next morning after another 2 "shots" of morphine I thought I was having a heart attack. Yes once again another lovely panic attack or as they thought maybe a reaction to the morphine. Seeing that the night before I was having hallucinations on the stuff, I shouldn't have given myself anymore, but the pain was inbearable. So they had to make sure there was nothing going on with my heart. So every 3 hours they had to stick me to get blood tests done, and hooked me up to an ekg twice during a period of 2 hours. Nothing showed up with any of the tests.

The nurse forced me to get out of bed and sit in a chair. Yeah that was fun. I had 4 drainage tubes with these bulb things at the end that look like hand grenades, plus a pain pump, plus an iv in my arm. Oh then she wanted me to take a walk. TAKE A WALK??????? Yeah got far on that one. Down the hall and back. Back into bed.

Thursday 2nd day post opt I felt so much better. They told me I can go home. Brian picked me up at 1130 with my baby girl, and off we went to the best place on earth. HOME.

Life Ain't for Sissy's

After being a nervous wreck, breaking out in hives on several days and nights, worrying and worrying and worrying... I come to this realization.

Ok so I'm loosing my breasts, so what?

I don't need them to hold a crayon to color with Isabelle or turn the pages of a book when she wants to read. I don't need them to brush her hair and wipe the tears from her eyes. I don't need them to give her a hug or put her favorite pj's on. I don't need them to fill a cone with her favorite ice cream. I don't need them to push her on a swing, or help her down a slide. I don't need them to lift her out of her crib in the morning when she calls for me. I don't need them to run after her in the stores when I try to shop or visit her favorite zoo. I don't need them to lift her up when she runs to me when I pick her up at school at the end of the day. I don't need them to cook a good meal or brush my teeth. I don't need them to drive to wherever I want to go. I don't need them to go hiking, skiing, bike or ice skate. I don't need them to decorate the Christmas tree, tie bows, or wrap presents. I don't need them.

LIFE AIN'T FOR SISSY'S.

Surgery Date Finally Set

After waiting for 2 weeks my surgery date is finally set for Devember 9th. Yes... one day after I "turn" 43. At least they are letting me have a "happy" birthday! I'll be in the hospital for 2-3 days, then come home the day before Isabelle's birthday... oh joy oh bliss. My poor kid... but fortunately she's at the age where she really won't know that we are dissing her on her birthday. I'll have Brian go out and get a cake for her to smash in her face, and we have many nice presents for her to rip open... so yeah I think she'll be ok.

So we need to be at the hospital at 730AM on the 9th. Surgery starts 930AM, and will be about 5 or 6 hours. I'll be in la-la land for sure with a pain pump afterwards, and they are sending me home with it too! wooohooooo!

I get a very small "fill" in my expanders, but not much. My plastic surgeon doesn't want to kill the skin cells and ruin my reconstruction... Thanks Matt! So I wake up with "mounds", that will probably be more like moe-hills, but that's ok with me. Then 3 weeks later I get my first real fill! I can't wait... so yes friends looks like I will indeed get my new foobs for Christmas!

And don't worry all... I will be taking before and after pics:o)

To be continued.........

All I want for Christmas is a pair of Foobs!

Aka fake boobs. And I'm going for it!

At the time of my surgery, bilateral mastectomy, I will be having tissue expanders placed under the muscle where my boobs were. The tissue expanders will be initially filled with a small amount of saline and will start to stretch out my skin. A few weeks after initial placement I will have a larger amount of saline injected. Then again and again over the following 3 months until I am at the size I want to be. Don't ask me what that is just yet;-)

Stay tuned.

My new FREE Hats and Fangs

Another wonderful thing done by a child.

"Heavenly Hats began 7 years ago by Anthony Leanna of Wisconsin. Now 17 years old. He came up with the idea after seeing his Grandma battle breast cancer. During the time he spent in the hospital visiting his Grandma, he saw many cancer patients without hair. He was upset that hospitals did not provide hats for cancer patients and decided that he was going to do something to help them.

Anthony came up with the name and created flyers to affix to collection boxes. He asked his parents to help him distribute these and asked local stores to aid him in the collection of new hats for hospitals and patients. In addition, he emailed hat and embroidery companies from around the world and the response was unbelievable. Anthony has now distributed over 100,000 brand new hats and sends them all over the world. He has appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, CBS Early Show and has received many awards for his dedication to cancer patients. Anthony says that Heavenly Hats is all about brightening the day of the patient and the hope that a new hat will provide them with the confidence and courage to fight another day."

If you would like to contribute to Heavenly Hats , or know of someone who can benefit from one of their Hats Package please call at 920 434-4151 or check out their website Heavenlyhats.com.

I received my Heavenly Hats package today, 5 beautiful warm hats. Here I am with 2 of them, with the addition of my "fangs"... aka fake bangs:-)

I feel O-L-D !!!

November 9, 2008

Well Brian was sick as a dog with the flu, and thankfully... knock on wood... I didn't catch it, cause I am still feeling the effects of #4. Today we wanted to get Isabelle out of the house cause the poor thing was stuck inside all Saturday, except for an hour visit to the grocery store. So we went to our local hiking spot called Sourlands Mountain Preserve. Very pretty and not very demanding hiking. Isabelle had a blast and collected some pretty leaves. But after an hour I was exhausted. I sure hope my energy comes back one of these days. She could have out-walked both of us ! My little nature girl.

Call me the wig lady

#3 wig..... Kinda like shoes... you gotta switch 'em up once in a while or else you get bored.

Getting a break, but not getting a break.

November 7, 2008

Ugg... double ugg. So I great a break this upcoming week from chemofriggntherapy but now we have a virus running in the house. Isabelle broke out with something this week and now Brian is sick. So I'm sure I will get it too, but ... maybe not. Let's not jinx myself. Now with my blood count being the way it is, if I get a fever I have to be hospitalized cause I'll be at high risk of an infection. It just never seems to end, does it?!?!

WHAT? I CAN HAVE ... WINE???

Ok for those who know me... this is a big deal. I haven't had any wine, or beer, or anything of the adult beverage content for quite some time. Well... quite some time to me anyway. Today I saw my wonderful oncologist... aka God Sierocki ...and my hemoglobin level is very low so he told me to ...yes... have some red wine! What's better than that?!?!?!? So this weekend after Isabelle goes to sleep I will indulge in a glass of some fine adult beverage! If I last passed 10pm that is.

Here's an excerpt from an article I just found... just another reason to drink up!

"Wine and Cancer: Numerous studies show that red wine helps fight cancer. Red wine is one of the richest sources for resveratrol, which helps supress cancer. Mice injected with reserveratrol not only experienced slower tumor growth, but also 98% fewer skin tumors."

Watch out for that last step it's a doozey!

November 3, 2008

Well everyone told me the last treatment of AC... my 2 chemofriggintherapy drugs Adriamycin (aka Red Devil) and Cytoxan was going to be the worst. And they were right. Been horizontal since Friday night after trick or treating. My sister-in-law Erin and niece Brianna came up from Maryland Saturady to help us out. And thank God they did. Brian took Brie and Isabelle to Great Adventure for the day, and Erin hung out with me and made a couple of wonderful meals. I didn't even make it into work today ... and I don't feel guilty about it either!

Resting up and needing it.
Thanks for checking in!

2nd Day after hopefully last CFT (I decided to abbreviate it) and HALLOWEEN

October 31, 2008

Just got back from being stabbed in the arm to get my Neulasta shot. It's an injection I get 24 hours after every CFT treatment. It helps restore your white blood count, which if gets too low can make you very very ill, and possible cause a hospital visit. It also helps maintain good bone marrow. So far it's been working... for $4200 a shot it better be!!

Well I don't feel too bad so hooraaaaaay I get to take my litte kitty cat out trick or treating later on in the day. She seems like she'll be having such a blast in school today... they are partying all day long... sure wish I was there!

Happy Halloween everyone, and don't eat too much candy! (Save some for me!)

(Picture is of Isabelle at school, then later that night after trick or treating with her cousin Mason at Grandpa's house. Yes, they were well sugared up!)

4th FRIGGINCHEMOTGHERAPY

October 30, 2008

Forgive my typo's but I'm feeling a litle loopy! Yes, ... I took the sedatives... not just one, but my loverly doc. added some in my iv! wohoooo! I felt better this time so it was worth it.

Brian and Isabelle came with me until I went into the "Infusion Room"... wooooooo scary name ain't it ?!?! Like yeah can you infuse me with a cosmopolitan ?

So off they went to school and work. Then my sister-in-law Sharon came to pick me up, and I finally got to meet my new cutie nephew Joey... Joseph Raymond, aka Joey. He's so darn cute and man this baby has a full head of dark hair... just like my Isabelle had! He had some gas going on though, poor thing... but as least it was coming out... kinda smells like his Uncle Brian:-)

(The pic is of us at home after my treatment.)

Anyway... I'm feeling ok, getting to be time to start gulping down a gallon of water and eat something. I think we're having Chinese tonight.

Love you all for checking in on me!

Smooches.

What?? FREE stuff cause I'm in CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY???

Ok hey now.... this ain't so bad! Not only did I find out that we can get FREE professional maid service for 4 months while in treatment ... but I also can get a free wig! So #3 wig here I come... shall I go blonde!?!?

Posting the link for the free maid service.
http://www.cleaningforareason.org/

Contact your local American Cancer Society for a free wig. Appointment needs to be made.
http://www.cancer.org/asp/search/mla/mla_global.asp?navToScreen=mla_0

The wonderful things children do

On the morning of my first chemo treatment, I got a text picture from my sister-in-law Erin. And there it was... my first realization of how much support I was going to get during this whole thing. My beautiful amazing niece, Brianna, cut her pony tail off and donated it in my honor. Is there just anything more wonderful than that?!?!? Yup... later on that same day her sister and my other beautiful niece, Mandy, did the same thing!

Family and Friends

One of the things I have come to realize about myself during this whole situation is that I am indeed a very stubborn woman. Brian always called me stubborn, my Mom calls me stubborn... I guess they are right afterall.
I have wonderful family and friends who are always asking me if they can help us out. And I have always been one who never likes to bother ANYONE (and Brian is also like that a little too) so my signature answer is always "Thanks, but I'm ok".... When in actuality I am not all that ok, and I can, we can, use help every now and then. So from now on when my wonderful family and friends ask if they can do anything for me, my new signature phrase will be "Yes, you can and THANK YOU".

My Chemo Angels

Someone from my online support group recommend I sign up for this program called ChemoAngels. And that's just what I did. I have 2 Angels. Aimee is in Michigan, Betty is in Tennessee. They are not just angels... they are truly amazing women. I get cards and letters and gifts. Wonderful things for Me, Brian and Isabelle. Each time I get something they make me cry. I just can't believe how a stranger can be so nice to you... correction... a far-away friend, no longer strangers at all. Aimee sends books and stickers to Isabelle. Betty makes her own cards, she should start her own business! I enjoy writing back to them and I think it's so cool that I have these wonderful new friends. It's amazing how things like this can change your life. There are truly some wonderful people out there!

Hopefully last treatment before surgery

October 28, 2008

Since I started this CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY my tumor seems to only have shrunk down a couple of centimeters. I'm disappointed greatly in that. But Doc says that mabye I can still go to surgery after my 4th is done, it all depends on what the surgeon says. So having my 4th and hopefully last chemo on October 30th, the day before Halloween. And come hell or high water I don't care how bad I feel... I WILL take my daughter out trick or treating!
November 14th I am off to get evaluated by a surgeon. I know my plan is a mastectomy and I'm kinda ok with that. I wish I didn't have to do it, but I know it's the best plan to ensure that this damn disease does not come back again.

#2 and #3 CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY

October 2, and 16th

Ok so I feel like a pro at this. So my 3rd treatment on the 16th I tell my husband that I want to feel independent and go alone. Besides all the other ladies do it, even the old ones. So after my nagging him, he let me go alone. BAD IDEA. Because I was driving myself I couldn't take the sedative, which I thought was ok, because I am a tough women. NOT. During treatment I started to feel funny. Got a little lightheaded and then thought to myself "oh great, here I am alone just this one time, Brian's not here and now something is going to happen to me". That esculated into a anxiety attack to the point where they had to stop my treatment and hook me up to an oxygen tank. Yup. There was strong me, not being so strong. My blood pressure sky rocketed and my heart rate doubled. I think I scared the nurses! They tried to convince me to let them give me the sedative and call someone to come pick me up. But... I refused and said Iwould be ok. And I was, after my body calmed down. Well I decided not to go alone to treatments anymore because I do need to take the sedative. HAIL ATIVAN.

Ah yes the side effects are kicking in

October 7, 2008

I just felt crappy. Felt like I had a bad cold or a flu. I just wanted to sleep, sleep, and sleep. But I'm trying to go about my every day daily life and put in a fulldays work. And that's just what I was doing. Some days are rough. I drive 50 minutes to work, each way. SO that alone sometimes is tiring. Especially driving on New Jersey roads. My allergies were kicking in, and nothing was helping. NOTHING. So I had a couple of miserable weeks.

Going to work with my wig on the first time

October 6, 2008

Ok so I really thought I looked ok with this thing on. But I needed to make sure so I took pictures of myself in the car while driving into work. The picture that's published here. Yeah I know, corny. But hey it helped! And really come on...I ain't lookin too bad am I!?
Got into the office and really didn't get alot of attention, so I guess it was working. Only a handful of co-workers at this point knew what was going on with me. Well those who knew seemed to love it! Hey for the price, they'd better! But by lunchtime I was ready to yank the damn thing off my head and put a hat on! No matter how nice it looked it was just UNCOMFORTABLE. I must say though, it sure does make for a quick start in the mornings! Plus I'm saving money on shampoo!

HAIR HAIR HAIR.... BYE BYE

So I was told that on Day 12 after the first treatment my hair was going to start falling out. Yippee. So I wanted to be prepared. I have/had very long beautiful thick hair (Sorry Dan:-) Something I pretty much took for granted up until now. So my husband found a salon for me to go to. My friend Janet offered to come with me, I really need someone's input on the whole wig thing, and I knew she would tell me the truth on how it looked. I arrived at the salon, and Janet hadn't gotten there yet so I went in. Now the owner specifically deals with women who loose their hair due to chemo or other medical reasons so she's really good at this stuff and she's been doing it for years and years. I sat down in a chair and she told me she'd be right back. Then when she came back she put this wig on my head and let me tell you... I just smiled. Right then Janet walked into the salon... she looked at me and had to ask "Is that a wig??" YUPPER... This hair thing isn't going to be that bad afterall!! Janet tried one on too, I think it looks awesome (she's in the green top), I'm the other one...holding up the price tag of my new do! And yeah that's me shaven head! I actually kinda like it:o)

Lucy, the salon owner, told me that after it starts falling out alot in clumps that I should just buzz it off and that it would help. I took her advise and on Day 14 Brian ... with beer in hand... shaved my lovely locks. By that time it was just falling out in clumps by a slight touch of the hand. It was all over the house! It was kinda horrible honestly. But... after I was buzzed it felt better and I really handled it ok... could have been cause I was completely exhausted that night... and shaving it helped with the scalp pain. Yup, my scalp was screaming at me. The hair follicles underneath the root start to die, which is why the hair falls out... and let me tell you... it hurt!

My worst fear was how my daughter was going to react to my new bald head. I thought it would scare her. I thought how the heck am I going to hide this from her? Everyone told me not to hide it from her and to act like it's no big deal. So that's exactly what I did. After the buzz I slowly showed her my peach fuzz, and she wanted to feel it, and she did. And she laughed:-) I always keep something on my head at home like a bandana or a scarf so she hadn't seen my real head until one day after work I ripped my hair off and put it on it's stand on my dresser... not realizing that Isabelle was standing right there. I looked at her... she had a little bit of a confused look on her face... why did Mommy take off her hair and why is it on her dresser?! Ok that look went away quickly, and now she likes to put on my wigs and my hat. And when she's in my bedroom she points to my wigs and says "mommy's hair!". Gotta love children!

Day 2,3 and 4

Well... all in all I have to say it really wasn't too bad. I had a whole arsenal of anti-nausea drugs that I started before the chemo went into my body, and continued on them for the 4 days after treatment. I had no nausea at all. Oh and I still had my hair. So my theory on what happens when you are on chemo pretty much went out the window. THANK GOD.
Day 2 overnight to Day 3 was kinda rough. I couldn't remember way day it was, or what I had to do the next day. I also needed to be forced to eat and drink, and after I did I felt much better. Day 4 was a Sunday, and I felt ok. Then Day 5 Monday... I got to work on time! Wohoo! Didn't feel too bad, just very tired.

First CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY

September 19, 2008

Nervous as all heck. Didn't know what to expect. My husband Brian of course was coming with me. We brought our daughter into daycare that morning cause my treatment was scheduled for 1130, and we wanted her to have a normal day. My doctor prescribed a mild sedative for me early after I was diagnosed cause I guess he saw my anxiety printed on my forehead, so I took one at home before we got to the doctor's office. They also gave me a sedative in my iv prior to starting the CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY drugs. And let me tell you all... I would not have had it any different! Once they started the drugs into my iv I didn't give one iota (is that really a word?) of care what they hell was going on! PRAISE SEDATIVES!!!!!!!! The treatment took about 2 hours. We went home and I was very groggy the rest of the day. That night I didn't sleep one minute, thanks to the steroids they also give you prior to the chemo drugs going into your body. Steroids help with inflammation in your body. But at the same time it unfortunately wires you up and you don't sleep.

Getting the results

September 15, 2008

HALLELUJAH! !!!!!!!!

My scans all came back clear. WHOA. Let me tell you. The anxiety of this was just alot to handle on top of everything else.
So ... now I'm ready to start my CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY. When my doctor told me he'd like to get me started in a few days, I wasn't ready. I didn't want to do it. Even though I was anxious to get this poison out of my body, I just wasn't ready. I envisioned a person on chemo to be lying in a bed with half a head of hair, only getting out of bed to run to the bathroom to vomit their brains out. Yes, I now know I had quite the imagination.

Going for testing and more testing and more testing

September 8, 2008

So today I get my Echocardiogram, CT scans of my entire body, and a bone scan.
The echocardiogram was a piece of cake. I had these before so I knew what I was in for anyway. No big deal. The CT scans.... yeah now that was another story. They inject you thru an iv with some sort of dye that gets flushed into your body so that if you have cancer cells anywhere the scans will pick it up. Well... when they injected the dye my heart starting pounding like it wanted to jump out of my chest. Scared the hell out of me. They told me that it was because my body temperature went up so quickly. Ok so the feeling went away in a few minutes, but still, I was not expecting that to happen. Probably cause they did not tell me?!?
Then off to the bone scan. Again they injected me thru an iv some sort of "radioactive isotope", whatever the heck that is. THe scan was no big deal, thank god. Just took about 20 minutes.
Then came the muga scan, which is a test to see how your heart is functioning. I wondered.. why the hell do they want to know how my heart is functioning? Cause the CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY drugs are very hard on your heart. That's why. Oh Lovely. The muga scan was no big deal. Then came the Pet scan. That was not fun either. Again, they inject you with with dye into your veins, but this time you have to lay still for one entire hour and not move one ounce of your body. After the hour is done they put you on a table and swoosh you into a long tub. Then they start taking pictures of every part of you. It took about 20 minutes. It was no big deal, but for those who are a little clostrophobic (sp?), I would recommend taking something to help you out.

Going to the Oncologist

Yeah... well this was something I thought I'd never be doing. It was horrible. I cried the minute I got into the exam room. I couldn't believe I was there. Just 2 years ago I was on the floor above of this very same office building hearing the tiny heartbeat of my unborn baby girl. And now I was sitting in the office below at an oncologists office talking CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY.

Anyway... the doctor and his staff were completely amazing and caring people, which made it all so much easier to deal with. He told me that beccause of the size of the tumor 10cm+... now for all you folks who are as bad as measurement as me, there are 2.5cm in one inch. So do the math. Yup a good ole 5 inch tumor was laying in my boob. Anyway... doc tells me cause of the size I'll need to do chemo before surgery to shrink the sucker down so that surgery has a better outcome and just in case the little boogers traveled outside my boob into my bloodstream or an organ. Ah yes the organs... then he tells me I'll need to have scans of every inch of my body to see if the cancer spread anywhere else. Now it was getting more complicated. I wanted them to just get me into the operating room and cut this damn thing out.

Damn friggin boobs!

August 18th, 2008

Due for my annual boob squeeze. Now back in the early spring/early summer yeah I noticed something was changing in these bad girls. Well just one bad girl. After seeing myself in a picture from June, I noticed my right boob was all of a sudden much larger then the other one. Looked way too lopsided! I figured ok it's my fibroids and cysts acting up again. Something I have been dealing with since I was a teenager. So I waited till my annual mammo was due in August. I go for the squeeze. Two days later I was called to go back again cause the Radiologist says there's areas that she wants to look closer at. She then tells me that there are a couple of areas that do need to be biopsied. Not just that, but she seemed like she wanted to hint to me that I had something severely wrong. But of course they are legally bound not to. So off I went the following week to a surgeon. Surgeon wanted to do a biopsy asap. Biopsies done asap and low and behold yup it's "cancer". The big one. Not the stage 0 DCIS I had before, but the big old Invasive tumor. Not just any ole tumor. One that needed to be shrunk with "therapy". Therapy. What a nice way to put it. CHEMOFRIGGINTHERAPY. The word I had dreaded to hear for the last 13 years was here.